Saturday, April 30, 2011

I'm not a writer, but that's ok. God is writing this story.

I am not a writer.  Well I like to write some, but I'm scared to death someone might read it so I don't do it often.  So you may wonder why in the world I'm here.  I haven't quite decided that I'll ever tell a single soul about this space here, but I probably will. 

God is doing some BIG stuff in my life.  Too big not to share, I'm afraid.  I'm being stretched like I never thought possible, and I've been stretched before.  Looking back, it is so completely amazing to me how He has pieced my story together.  It's just MY story, so if I don't think about it too hard it doesn't impress me all that much.  But you know what?  It is an AMAZING story! 

I've prayed for years that God would help me to live in the very center of His will.  I don't want to miss where I'm supposed to be at any given moment.  I know I do it.  I miss it a lot, but hopefully not for long.

More than twenty years ago (could it possibly have been that long?), many seemingly impossible pieces fell together and I was able to go on a mission trip to Haiti.  My parents had just separated and there was no money.  I honestly don't know how it all came together.  Looking back, God needed me on that trip.  He was writing my story.  We spent two weeks loving on children and babies in an orphanage there. 

Loving on babies has always been just a natural thing to me.  Anyone that knows me can tell you that I would saddle up close to anyone with a baby when I was just a child.  Where the kids were, that's where you'd find me.  Always.  Until I was grown really (oh who am I kidding?  I still do it.)  If you went to church with me when I was a teenager and you had kids, I'm sure I babysat them.  I was good at it too.  I often wonder what those now-grown kiddos remember about those times.  Oh how I loved my kids.

So really it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise when, in 2003, I announced that I had plans to adopt a baby girl in Russia.  God had this all planned from the beginning.  I think I was the only one that wasn't surprised though.  :-)  There was, mostly, a very positive reaction from people.  What wasn't completely positive I really didn't hear.  Mom got a little of that, but not me.  There was no husband.  Would I be able to do this on my own?  As it turned out, I didn't (and still don't) do anything on my own.  --well except for that first Dr's. appointment after we got home from Russia when I found out that my sweet baby had a nasty ear infection (like call other doctors and nurses in the room to look at it) and got 5 shots and had to have blood drawn from both arms.  I'm sure they took half of my girl's blood that day.  For years after, Mom or Nanny went to ALL doctor visits. -- God worked on my family, and they have taken great care of us.  My mom and my step-dad have done more than (I'm sure) they ever thought they wanted to.  Oh how they love my girl.  My dad and step-mom are wonderful.  They traveled with me to Russia to go to court and bring Brenna home.  They've done so much for us. 

Now it has been a little over 7 years since I've been inside an orphanage, and God is calling me back.  To Africa this time.  There are, once again, SO many details that He must work on for this all to come to be part of my story that He is so intricately weaving together.  I am part of a missions team that is traveling to Uganda and Kenya at the end of June.  My aunt Doneva and I will be traveling together with an organization called Visiting Orphans.  I am so excited to see what God will do on this trip.  I asked Him to break my heart for what breaks His.  He is doing that.  It hurts.  I don't like some of it.  I don't want to see some of it.  I don't like how much it costs and the stress of trying to make that part come together.  I will trust God to take care of this.  All of it.  I will have faith, and I will walk through the doors He opens.