I thought coming home and getting back into life would be easier this time. It's not. I thought, since I had done this before, that I would come home and be able to get back in to the swing of things more easily than I did last time. I was wrong. This is anything but easy.
Last week I held a little one in my arms that would turn two years old soon that weighs just 8 pounds. Too tiny babies moaning (because crying takes energy they don't have) because malnutrition hurts. They didn't smile. The pained looks on their faces, I'll not soon forget.
My heart is broken.
The week before that, I fed 6 ounces of cows milk to an HIV+ 3-month-old darling girl while her tummy made all kinds of grumbling noises because Mama Nelly (who cares for 30 children in her home) can't afford formula.
I didn't think my heart could break any further.
When I saw two police officers drop off a little one of about 4 at a government facility we were visiting knowing what was in store for this tiny guy, I didn't think I could take much more.
I tell people these stories and they ask "Why does God allow this to happen? Why does He let these people live like this and starve to death?" I used to wonder the same thing. I don't anymore.
He doesn't let them starve and not have access to clean water and live on the streets without parents.
That's right. We are the ones that let this happen. God has entrusted us with MUCH to take care of His children, and we are not doing it. He has blessed us, and we keep it for ourselves. His heart is broken, and we think we need another (or a bigger) house. We think we need.
I was not born in this country to educated parents because I am any more special to our Father than the ones I visited in Africa. I have not been blessed with an awesome job that allows me to take care of my little family and travel around the world because God loves me more. God expects me to do great things with what He has blessed me with.
I will not let Him down.
If you think that you cannot help because you can't go someplace far away or you can't write a $100 check and send it, you are wrong. I can't wait to tell you what I did with the money you guys sent me with. Little sacrifices that you made went a long way and blessed a bunch of lives. There are so many ways to bless His people. It's time for us all to step up and do it. We MUST take what He has given to us, and use it to take care of His children.
I think that's about all I have in me for now.
Would you pray that I will be able to work through all that I've seen and felt and touched and loved so that I can relay the stories that need to be told? This isn't easy.