I work hard. I am incredibly blessed with a wonderful job that allows me to take care of myself and my little family quite well. There is plenty extra so that I can make sure we are as comfortable as possible. I even have enough to help others. We make sacrifices every now and again so that we can share of what we have and help take care of other people. I thank God very often for my job that allows me to take care of myself.
Is there a chance that I have it all wrong?
I think so. I think that we (especially myself) often believe that we are taking care of ourselves while God is asking us, begging us, to fully rely on Him. Do we really trust Him to take care of our most basic needs? I think many people do. I do. Do we really trust Him to be in the details of our lives? Do we trust that He does indeed love us so much that we can step out in faith (I mean big, like when it might mean you must wonder how in the world He will pull this one off) when He asks us to?
We are full of excuses. There is never enough money. There is never enough time. Is there really not enough, or are we just not trusting Him to make sure all the details are worked out? Is there a chance that God wants us in a place that we MUST rely on Him for the most basic of our needs?
I think we are so busy planning for our futures and making sure that our families are comfortable that we can't hear that still, small voice telling us to trust. I don't think that God has given me all of this so that I can be comfortable. I don't want to be comfortable anymore. I don't think that Jesus was very comfortable for most of His life here. I especially think that he was very uncomfortable on the cross. He died on that cross anyway, because He loves me. He loves me THAT much.
The reason that we are here at all is so that God might make us in to something that is like Him. If He loves THAT much, then I am to love THAT much.
I pray often that God will help me to live in the very center of His will. Sometimes I feel like I'm really saying "Lord, please let me live in the very center of Your will, but please don't make me give up my fancy car (I do love my fancy car) or fancy clothes for my girl or ask me to do anything crazy." Sometimes God does ask us to make sacrifices AND do crazy things. I don't think we, as Christians, should look like everyone else. I think we should look a little crazy to the world. (Yay! justification for my crazy self!)
Most of us do make sacrifices. We give to our church. We give to many wonderful organizations here and there. Do we ever give until it hurts? How much am I willing to give up in order to love like Jesus loves? I think we are able to justify this comfortable life we live because we have extra to toss around. If I throw a little bit of money at this cause and that one, I can have all of this. Surely God didn't give me this great job so that I would still not be able to live comfortably. Or would He? We are commanded to care for His people. Each other. He will take care of me. I think He has bigger plans for me than this life that I've made for myself. After all, this is all His anyway, and His plans are always better than mine. It's time for me to let go. To stop worrying. God's got this. I've got to let Him have it.
I don't want to see some of the things that I'm going to see on this trip. The little lives that are forgotten by most, but loved by Jesus just the same as I am. Once I see these things, my life will change. I don't like change. It's uncomfortable for me. Oh yeah, I don't want to be comfortable anymore. I want to learn what I'm supposed to learn. I want to be able to come home and tell you about it. I'm worried that I will have trouble processing it all and putting it here. I think I will let God take care of that too.
There have been SO many things happen so far that have just reassured me that I am supposed to be on this trip. God IS in the details. Someone that reads here must have prayed for overtime too! I get to work on Wednesday! This is all gonna get paid for somehow.
Thank you for all of your prayers. I'm not sure if this post made a whole lot of sense. :-) It's 5:00 in the morning, and I just worked all night long. Maybe I should wait to publish it until after I've slept. :-) It will be ok. I never claimed to be much of a writer. ;-)