Monday, May 2, 2011

I wonder how you come back...

Many blog posts written by people that have spent time in African orphanages talk about how the children 'choose you.'  After arriving, it isn't long before there are multiple little ones literally hanging on your arms and legs.  Often times there are two or three that attach themselves to a certain visitor and do not let go.  For days.  They choose you.

I'm thinking of the ones that will choose me.  I'm praying for their little hearts tonight.  I'm hoping and praying that I will know how to show them the love of Jesus in the days that I am there.  I want to love them like He loves them.  I want to hug and kiss and snuggle and rock and paint fingernails and play ball, but most of all I want to really love. 

Loving is something that I'm good at.  I would have thought that by now I would have gotten to be really good at guarding my heart.  I love fiercely.  I give freely.  And I get hurt.  A lot.  I suppose it would be easier to live with a hard heart.  Guarding it against the hurt that inevitably (it seems) comes with loving so deeply.  I've sworn I would live that way over and over again.  I can't do it.  I can't love just a little bit.  I'm an all-or-nothing kind of girl. 

So I'm getting kind of nervous about coming back home.  Of course I will be dying to see my little girl, so I will no doubt be in a hurry to get back here.  But... how will I leave those babies?  The ones that probably don't get a hug most days.  Sometimes they are hungry.  When they are sick, they lay in bed alone because there is nobody to rock them. 

I'm thanking God tonight for allowing me this chance to go love.  I'm thankful for my heart that loves BIG.  I'm praying that He continues to use it to do His work, and I'm hoping that when it's time to come back I will be ok.  Will you pray too?

Thank you.

Can I also ask you to pray for sweet Lucy?  She's a patient at St. Jude, and she's having a really rough time.  Thank you all.

1 comment:

  1. You will definitely NEVER be the same once you GO and SEE and FEEL. God is daily working me through the process of WHAT to do with it all. Once you EXPERIENCE it, you can't go back to LIFE AS NORMAL. He is constantly refining us... making us more like Him! Keep praying, keep walking through the doors He opens... knowing His ways are far better than anything we can plan!